Why men shouldn’t stop running
August 24, 2018
For those of us who aren’t naturally as smooth as a dolphin or who aren’t religious about their waxing or manscaping, it takes a couple days of running for all the hair in your running shorts to be brutally torn out by the roots; after which, it’s all smooth sailing.
During those inaugural days, diaper rash for days. The worst kind of crotch chafe, chub rub, crotch rot, thigh rubbing.
The bad news: it’s worse; the good news: it’s temporary and abates after a couple days—unless you stop running for a couple weeks.
Then, you’ll need to start all over again with some après-running funny-walking.
Don’t do it.
I accidentally flaked running for ten days. If you check Strava or here on rnnr, my last run was ten days ago on Monday, August 13. It was a mistake. It didn’t kill my ability to run—at least not after ten days—but it didn’t improve my pace or endurance.
When I finished last night’s 4-mile run, I wasn’t winded, I was psyched. That’s one of the good things about flaking for ten days. I was fresh last night.
Last night, I knew it. When I finished cooling off, I knew two things:
- over the course of the past 90-minutes, I successfully tore all the hair on my undercarriage and deepest thigh meat out at the roots and then flooded the resulting hamburger with sweat and microbes and
- as long as I keep on running at least every other day from today forward, I should be good from now on unless I make one false move and get actual crotch chafe, chub rub, crotch rot, thigh rubbing and not just a quick deforestation.
Yes, I do already wear stretchy shorts underneath my shorts; and yes, I do slather myself with ointments when I am overtaken by inner thigh chaffing. Sorted.
While my brother, David Gelles, was the actual human being best buddy who snapped me out of my 10-day running flake; it was getting out onto the road after more than a week and destroying myself that reminded me of the quote credited to Albert Einstein,
“the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
So, here are the only choices I have to break the cycle of insanity in my life: either suit-up, shoe-up, lace-up, get on that road; or, stick exclusively with indoor rowing and kettlebell swings, neither of which tear any hairs violently from roots, follicles and all.
To be honest, running delivers me so much pleasure (and steps) that I will continue wearing stretchy trou and unisuits and buying A+D Ointment by the tubful; most important of all this is to not stop running—to not allow the forest to regrow on my undercarriage because the suffering of deforestation is too dear.